Demon Seduction [2005]

I’m not going to go too much into Demon Seduction’s premise here, other than that there aren’t any actual demons in this film (there are aliens, which were referred to as “demons” by the founders of the cult around whom the film is centered upon). This is not because the premise is dumb–although it is very much so. Nor am I going to go into much detail about the horrible acting, miserable characterization or laughable special effects.

(Actually, I will mention my favorite bad effect: there’s one scene in which one character ritually cuts another character with a knife–I’ll refer to them as Character R and Character V, because they’re not named at any point in the film, even though they’re the female lead and the primary antagonist–and it’s painfully obvious that Character V is not actually being cut at all. The fake blood beads up on her skin and you can see that the flesh underneath is unharmed; there aren’t even any fake wounds. Later, after Character V washes the blood off, she marvels to Character R that the cuts have healed! At this point, I paused the movie and screamed “THAT’S BECAUSE THEY WERE NEVER THERE!” at the screen.)

The reason I’m not doing this is because the plot and story and characterization and acting and effects are the least important aspects of the production. The most important aspect of the production is to show naked women. Naked women seducing men, naked women seducing naked women, naked women having sex with men and other naked women, naked women touching themselves, naked women stripping, naked women dancing, naked women showering, naked women swimming, and naked women doing all the other things that women do while naked, up to and including committing acts of violence. There is exactly one woman in this entire film who does not have a nude scene (I counted), which is especially impressive considering that there are only five men in the entire film (I counted) and only two of them appear in more than three scenes (I counted).

In fact, I’m pretty sure this film has more female nudity than any other non-pornographic film (so no, I’m not counting Caligula) I’ve ever watched in my life. My guess is that if you cut every scene in this nearly-90-minute-long film that did not, in some way, shape or form, involve a naked woman, you wouldn’t have much more than 20 minutes of footage left over. 25, tops.

That 25 minutes is where about 95% of the plot and story development occurs, and it creates a bit of a pacing problem, to put it lightly. For example: the film begins with the credits, then about three minutes of exposition, then another four minutes of establishing the premise. That is followed by roughly twenty-five minutes of striptease scenes in which the ongoing story and plot are not even mentioned.

By now you’ve probably figured out that Demon Seduction isn’t a horror movie, it’s a softcore flick with some horror elements. Which is fine; softcore has its place, and there have been softcore movies with some horror elements that I’ve liked (such as Huntress: Spirit Of The Night). I could forgive the film if it were actually decently made or even competently-made, but it’s not. It’s one of the most incompetently-made films I’ve ever seen, and I’ve had to sit through a lot of stinkers. And as much as I could gripe about the acting and effects, the most incompetent person involved in the creation of this film is its writer/director, Greg Lewolt.

Lewolt is not only responsible for the for the film’s crappy 5-minutes-of-story, 20-minutes-of-nudity structure. He’s also responsible for its miserable cinematography and editing. (One of the extended striptease scenes is almost neurotically edited to avoid revealing the fact that the dancer shaves her pubes, and yet we get at least three flashes of the same dancer’s anus. I say “at least” because I’m not usually in the habit of counting assholes.) He’s responsible for a bunch of flat, underdeveloped characters who are so stock that to call them “cookie-cutter” would be an insult to cookies. He’s responsible for an idiotic script that is so insecure about its audience’s ability to grasp its concepts that it feels the need to flash the word ALIEN on the screen at every opportunity, just so that we don’t forget that there’s something in this film that’s ALIEN. I don’t know if he’s responsible for making sure every frame of film is accompanied by some sort of goofy, obtrusive sound effect or hideous choppy avant-garde drone-metal instrumental track, but let’s blame him for that too, just in case.

There’s a right way to do softcore horror, and a wrong way. And I honestly never thought I would ever hold up Sorority House Vampires as the “right” way to do a movie like this, but…it’s a goddamn masterpiece compared to the cinematic equivalent of a used tampon that is Demon Seduction.

My rating: 1 of 10.

89 minutes. Directed by Greg Lewolt. Starring Brinke Stevens, Vesper Almasy, Tuesday Coren.

DEMON SEDUCTION poster.

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